Finding bad lyrics to Taylor Swift songs is like shooting fish in a barrel – it’s easy, you end up with way too much to take home and it’s a messy job.
During a recent textual analysis of Swift’s lyrics, I found a plethora of bad lyrics – some that made me laugh out loud, and some that made me cringe. She doesn’t use a lot of different words, nor does she use various themes. In fact, a few appear over and over:
She’s always standing in the rain.
People are always throwing rocks at her windows.
She drives around with boys in the middle of the night or argues with them in the middle of the night.
She stands at boys’ backdoors. (Creepy…)
She slams doors a lot (Maybe the back doors of the boys’ houses).
There are lots of last kisses (Duh.).
Lights shine out of boys’ eyes.
At first, I called this post “10 Worst Taylor Swift Lyrics.” But I quickly found that I couldn’t stop there. I had even more to list but ended up paring them down to just the worst offenders:
“So go and tell your friends that I’m obsessive and crazy / That’s fine I’ll tell mine that you’re gay!” (“Picture to Burn”) Well, the first part may be right, but do you have to go around spreading lies and fueling homophobia?
“‘Cause I hate that stupid old pickup truck / You never let me drive” (“Picture to Burn”) – If it’s so stupid and old, why do you want to drive it?
“And now that I’m sitting here thinking it through / I’ve never been anywhere cold as you” (“Cold As You”) – Joe Diffie (“Is it cold in here, or is it just you?”) should sue.
“Cory’s eyes are like a jungle / He smiles, it’s like the radio / He whispers songs into my window / In words that nobody knows” (“Stay Beautiful”) – So Cory is like a radio in the jungle who speaks in tongues and hangs out in front of people’s windows. Niiiice.
“But your eyes still shined like pretty lights” (“Mary’s Song”) – Not a jungle, not ugly lights, but “pretty lights.”
“There’s a fire inside of you / That can’t help but shine through” (“Invisible”) – Ah, this explains the shining eyes.
“Untouchable like a distant diamond sky, Mmmm” (“Untouchable”) – All skies are distant and untouchable. Anything especially distant about a diamond sky? And what exactly is a diamond sky?
“I took a chance, I took a shot / And you might think I’m bulletproof, but I’m not / You took a swing, I took it hard / And down here from the ground I see who you are” (“Tell Me Why”) – She takes a shot but she’s not bulletproof. Was she shooting herself? And she’s dating a guy who hits her? No wonder she loves getting revenge on guys.
“But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain” (“The Way I Loved You”) – She finally finds a guy who is nice and opens doors for her, but she misses their fighting and screaming. Dear God.
“It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you” (“Back to December”) – That word – “freedom”. I do not think it means what you think it means.
“Don’t you think nineteen’s too young / To be played by your dark, twisted games?” (“Dear John”) – Didn’t you know that getting mixed up with John Mayer at 19 was going to end up badly? Didn’t you know that getting mixed up with John Mayer at any age would end up badly?
“Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer” (“Red”) – Try the top five most common crossword answers: “era,” “area”, “ere”, “eli” and “one”. Maybe that will help your fights.
“You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard / Calling me out when I’m wounded” (“Mean”) – If his voice was that annoying, why did you date him in the first place?
“All you are is mean / And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life / And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean” (“Mean”). And oh yeah, mean.
“Now I’m searching the room for an empty seat, ‘Cause lately I don’t even know what page you’re on” (“The Story of Us”) – Mixed metaphors.
“‘Cause there we are again in the middle of the night / We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light” (“All Too Well”) – Could you not light a candle? The electric bill is going through the roof this month!
“‘Cause you were Romeo – I was a scarlet letter” (“Love Story”) – More mixed metaphors involving two different books.
“And she thinks I’m psycho ’cause I like to rhyme her name with things” (“Better than Revenge”). No, she thinks you’re psycho because you date boys and then write disturbing songs about them.
“Time turns flames to embers / You’ll have new Septembers” (“Innocent”) – “Let’s see…what rhymes with ’embers’?” Members? Dismembers? (Hmmmm…) Decembers?”
“But now I’ll go sit on the floor / Wearing your clothes” (“Last Kiss”) – Again, creepy.
“Long live the walls we crashed through / How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you / I was screaming long live all the magic we made / And bring on all the pretenders / One day, we will be remembered” (“Long Live”) – I have no idea what this means.
“People throw rocks at things that shine” (“Ours”) – Two of the common themes coming together!
“‘Cause I love the gap between your teeth . . . And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored” (“Ours”) – He sounds like a winner…
“Just a small town boy and girl / Living in the crazy world” (“I’m Only Me When I’m With You”) – Journey should sue.
“How can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you?” (“I Knew You Were Trouble”) – Methinks it’s not the devil but your raging hormones.
“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street” (“Red”). Um, because you’re fast, you look impressive but eventually have to make a three-point turn?
“The way you move is like a full-on rainstorm / And I’m a house of cards” (“Sparks Fly”). Mixed metaphors yet again.
“And all my walls stood tall painted blue / And I’ll take them down, take them down and open up the door for you” (“Everything has Changed”) – Why do you have to open the door when the walls are already down?
“And she is yelling at a bridesmaid / Somewhere back inside a room / Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry (“Speak Now”) – I’m picturing a gown shaped like a sticky bun or Pop Tart.
“This song is so fun!” (“Stay Stay Stay”) – Yay! Hugs!