A Not-So-Real Interview with Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift and newspaper headlinesQ: Thanks for taking the time to talk with me about you and your new album, Taylor.

A: Oh, gosh, I’m just overwhelmed and humbled by this interview and the support of all my dear fans over my album Red (available in stores now and by promotions through Walgreens, Target ). Really. I’m just shocked. Floored. It means so much to me! Hugs!

Q: Um, yeah. First question: it seems you’ve taken a decidedly pop turn with this album, especially with songs like “We are Never Ever Ever Getting -”

A: Ever.

Q: What?

A: Never Ever. Just one Ever.

Q: Aren’t there two Evers in the chorus?

A: Yes, but that’s the chorus. That’s not the title.

Q: Oh. Sorry.

A: Oh, it’s totally fine! But this album is me. It’s the first chance I’ve had to really express myself and be myself. This is who I am.

Q: So your other albums weren’t an expression of yourself?

A: Oh yes, they were. But this album is really me.

Q: Because you’ve gotten some criticism from people for seeming to get back at old boyfriends by writing mean songs about them.

A: So?

Q: Well, um, don’t you think that’s a little vindictive?

A: This is real life. My relationships with a Jonas brother and a Kennedy and a One Direction member and John Mayer, that happens to everyone, and people understand these problems and the hurt that I go through.

Q: Yes, but you’re a successful, confident recording artist. Lately you’ve gotten into public tiffs with Michael J. Fox, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Shouldn’t you have a thicker skin than this?

A: That is a mean, hurtful statement. I’ve never been treated so badly by a journalist. All I want to do is write and sing my music. For my fans. Because its all for my fans. In fact, you’ve given me an idea for a song…

Q: Oh boy. I take that back. You have a very thick skin. I think you just use your music as a tool for getting back at people. A: “Hooked by His Harmony.” No. “Poisoned by the Pen.” Yes, that’s better.

Q: What are you doing?

A: You’re going to be the subject of my next song. I have a working title.

Q: You’re kidding.

A: These are REAL feelings! And they hurt! (Gets guitar). Let’s see…”You’re the reason for these teardrops on my stationery…”

Q: That sounds an awful lot like “Teardrops on my Guitar.”

A: I’ve won seven Grammys! How many have you won?

Q: Sigh.

DISCLAIMER: This post contains content from an interview which did not happen and is purely for entertainment purposes in the form of parody, satire or similar. No warranty is given as to the quality, accuracy, compatibility or fitness-for-purpose of the post and should not be taken to constitute advice nor relied upon when making decisions. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required.

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Peter Lee

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