Mariah Hits No. 1…With This??

Mariah Carey - Touch My BodyMariah Carey has passed The King, Elvis Presley, with her 18th No. 1 hit, a tuneless, raunchy ditty called “Touch My Body.” Apparently, Mariah has given up singing, opting instead for breathy vocals imploring her lover to let her wrap her thighs around his waist, but don’t put the video of it up on YouTube! (Ooh, points for referring to Web 2.0)

This isn’t a song. In fact, there’s barely any instrumentation aside from a weak synthesizer and electronic drums. The opening vocals feature Mariah singing “Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah,” on just two notes. Over and over again. In fact, a good bit of the first verse features those two notes only. And it wouldn’t be complete without bad grammar: “But this is private – Between you and I [sic].”

I guess this got to No. 1 through her video, which features her in a bra and panties frolicking with a computer geek. The comments on MTV’s site were pretty much all the same: “She’s hot. I’d do her.”

Nice.